Confining Lohan to Twin Falls, ID

Earlier this week, party girl Lindsey Lohan found herself in trouble with the law yet again when she was arrested after chasing the mother of her personal assistant in her car. What kind of celebrity engages in high speed pursuits days before the opening of a new film? Apparently one who’s hopped up on cocaine and alcohol. Lohan faces charges on two counts of driving under the influence, possession of cocaine, bringing a controlled substance into a jail facility, and driving on a suspended license.

As expected, the story is showing up everywhere in the media. Last night, Rob Schneider got decked out to do a full impersonation of Lohan on the Tonight Show. In the blogosphere, sites like The Superficial are loving her claim of innocence and the statement that the cocaine found in her pocket wasn’t hers. And others, like Steve Colbert’s blog, are finding humor in a CBS news anchor’s refusal to comment on the story.

The 21-year old could spend up to a year in jail, but maybe she’ll have better luck than Paris and get out on early parole. If any parole board members are reading this blog, take note. Having looked at the dataset Cocaine Usage on GeoCommons, here are some suggestions on restrictions.

Lohan should be banned from these cokehead locations:

Pima, AZ (4.28% of population uses cocaine)

Denver, CO (4.01%)

Bernalillo, New Mexico (3.75%)

Washington, RI (3.74%)

Washington, DC (3.7%)

And restricted to these more virtuous communities:

Montgomery, MD (1.41%)

Aberdeen, SD (1.48%)

Jamestown/Devils Lake, ND (1.48%)

Twin Falls, ID (1.5%)

Faith, SD (1.52%)

Stay tuned for the next celeb-reality show, “The Extremely Simple Life,” documenting Lohan’s clubbing escapades in Twin Falls, Idaho.

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